Ganesh Chathurthi
Everyday God gives us the sun, and also the moment in which have the ability to change everything that makes us unhappy. Our magic moment helps us to change and send us off in search of our dreams
Today was Ganesh Chathurthi. Even though I am reaching newer lows with respect o my ‘conventional’ faith, at some level I would like to believe that its not really southwards I am traveling, but rather exploring newer places in the vast map between atheism, faith and fanaticism. For me like most people, standing at the middle solid ground of faith through out my small life, the move away has neither been intentional nor easy. Its more like being pushed by circumstances and more so by my understanding (or pseudo understanding).
Being a keralaite this day should mean more to me being attom but maybe it’s the Bangalore atmosphere or my new found friends from DA-IICT I felt it more to be Ganesh Chathurthi. So I had this burning urge to visit a Ganapathi temple. But due to the previous lows I had talked about, even though it had been two months since my arrival in Bangalore, I had not bothered to find a nearby temple. My only temple visits had been limited to when my friend Raj (from Bangalore) would take me along to Raghevendra Swami temple or Sai Baba asthram, which is pretty far of from where I stay.
So there I was toying with the idea of going to a temple from morning. But in strange ways, all my doors kept closing and I finally had to force open the last door. My first idea was to call Raj (my Bangalore encyclopediaJ), but being a Brahmin, he was tied up with his house’s puja. By that time my room mates had left and they had forgotten to take the key with them. This coupled with the fact that our house owner was out, pretty much ensured that I remain chained to the house at least till evening.
I spent most of my afternoon sleeping and reading "The Zahir" by Paulo Coelho (actually doing more of the former). By evening I was in a trance due to the mixed bursts of sleeping and reading. I was practically flirting with the thin line between imagination and reality. A good book is like liquor since it will get you high. I had heard that most athletes, when they achieve a record are in a state of trance; from where I am today I think I can appreciate that, at least a bit more that I could yesterday.
I wanted to rejuvenate my lost skill (lost in another life perhaps?) of understanding the world’s signs. So as soon as my first room mate arrived, I was ready after taking a bath and putting on the cleanest cloths I could find lying around which is not much I might add. I pressed the keys into his hands, and walked off. I guess me being me, he was not that surprised. So finally I started my quest.
I know, to some at least, it’s a bit too much to call my wandering the streets of this urban jungle, bangaluru, a quest. But that was what it was for me. My quest had nothing to do with the surroundings, since I am pretty sure it would have been the same in any other place in the world, had I reached the same state of mind and sprit. It was about the courage to believe in god. No, not the over abused word, but the concept of the divine power, to believe in miracles. It was time for the part of me that had slept off to awaken.
Now, as I got out, I was instantly faced with a dilemma. Where to go? Many paths lay before me. Which one to take? It’s easy for a person to take a known path, how ever far his destination maybe. It’s when the path is unknown that a person has to call upon his inner strength even though the destination may be at an arms length. Maybe it was good thing because one of the biggest problems with humans is to know what to do and more importantly what not to do and not doing it.
I should follow the signs, I thought. Do what I am doing with my life now by joining MindTree and see the results. A sort of a toy universe to try out my ideas of following my instincts.
I looked around.
Nothing.
Harder.
Again nothing.
Maybe I am looking too hard? Its like the art of flying (Douglas Adams), you need to fall and then before you can touch the ground, you need to get distracted. So I closed my eyes to open again and try afresh. But as soon as I closed, my mind, which was till then wandering, suddenly fixed on a series of vocal stimulus, the bursting of crackers. That was it!!!. That’s the sign. I didn’t think twice and started following the sound. Its second thoughts that destroy most signs.
I started walking, not too fast, remembering about ithica, and also because I enjoyed it. As I walked I look at various shops and structures I had until now never noticed. I noticed people walking past me really fast. It was obvious they were in a hurry, but to where? I remembered to reach the correct destination sometimes it necessary to let other pass you. I moved aside, let them pass.
As I kept on following the sounds, I forgot about the twists and turns I had made, but my belief was strong, I moved ahead. I saw a person lying on the road. The strong smell of liquor told me his immediate story… He was safe from the middle of the road, and also for a while from his world? Maybe his quest was too much for him that it shattered his sprit?
I slowly resumed my quest, sure that he was safer than anything my actions could result in. I was nearing my destination, but as I was coming more and more close, the frequency of the sounds was getting lesser and lesser. A fear crept in. Maybe god sensed that. The sounds died. I hastened my pace. And I reached my destination but it had ceased to be that. There were a lot of cracker covers lying on the road. It reminded of a battle field at sundown, just after the battle. A battle between my faith and my fears perhaps? Those cracker covers started at me with tears in their eyes. And it seemed obvious to me who had won. My mind was at the verge of breaking but my eyes were still, since the trance I was in was keeping me from feeling my immediate pain. I looked around. No signs. I could hear distant cracker bursts but they were too far off to be mine, some other soul’s destination perhaps?
I looked up and asked god. Is it my fate to be so near my destiny and see it slip across my hands? But I felt a calmer voice in my head telling me "it was and is your doubts that keeping you from your destiny" I looked around, the way back was not something I could find in my mind. Nobody around to ask the way back.I saw a bigger road ahead. I started walking towards the intersection hoping to find someone to help my find my way back home….back to my life.
As I was nearing the cross, the road ahead was initially shrinking, but suddenly it grew as I had invertly had taken a turn. There were crowds and bright lights before me.
I could not believe what I saw. It was a temple (Actually 5 temples as I later came to know). A Ganapathi temple was the one that immediately caught my eyes. I didn’t have to ask my legs to walk. I could feel an invisible force which was dragging me towards the temple. I reached the entrance.
There was a huge queue. I went and stood at the back. As I waited I saw different types of people the rich and the poor, the disabled and the all so able, all waiting in the same queue for the same destiny.
In around 2 minutes, a pujari comes with a ticket book in hand and says something in Kannada which totally passes over my head. I swing my head to indicate that I don’t want the ticket. He looks enraged as he points to a spot at the entrance. It seems he wants me to make a new queue. With out thinking twice I get inside the temple. I stand before the huge Ganapathi idol and pay my respects. I had reached a stage where idol is not necessary for praying, but at the end of this journey, it’s a different feeling.
Then I noticed the sweet voice that’s making my destination sweeter. I love music but veena is something I associate more with Ravi Verma painting rather than to music. But I found myself sitting in the sabha enjoying the music like I have never enjoyed before. Granted the lady was playing veena beautifully but there was something else to the music. Enjoyment from unexpected sources at the end of a journey..life? But my final lesson, reminder rather, for the day was still to come. As I was walking out, walking in rather into life with a new found sense of belief, I was stopped by a small girl. She gave me a piece of paper. I realized I had walked into another queue. At the end of the queue prasad was being distributed. Suddenly I was reminded of my younger years, when whenever I entered a temple hungry, I was always given food. Not because I knew the people at the temple, it would be newer and bizarre reasons each day but the end result would be the same. I used to think of Ganapathi as my friend rather than a god in those days. The fact that I had forgotten it made me realize how far from me I was.
The trip back was similar in a sense that I followed my instincts not knowing the way back but this time I was much more confident…had more faith….and reached my home in due time.
When I gave this much to Vinayakam for reading what he asked me was "Ok it’s a good story but what is the point?"
I had this experience that helped me rescue me back. It was something that happened to me and I got my own lessons from it. But that’s not necessarily what you need to hear at this point of life. Like Memphias said "The oracle tells you what you need to hear". It is upto you to read this and make your own conclusions or even pass this off as another junk of words
(Update May 2007 : This post was selected as of the the top 3 posts for the month in out company intranet)
